the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
