So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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