I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
