someone get that fucking seahorse.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
