Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
