were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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