Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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