We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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