I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
