Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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