my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Also, beer. Big fan.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
