Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
