Umm I'm too high to move.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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