3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
