I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
