I am puke
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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