Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
