my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
