Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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