oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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