I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize