New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
