Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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