My room smells like vodka and shame
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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