i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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