Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
