WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My penis needs a shock collar
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
