Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
