what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
