I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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