If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
