you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
