The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
