Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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