We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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