i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
