just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
