My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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