everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
