WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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