Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
