That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize