Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
