I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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