Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize