My liver just broke up with me...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm like, not good at living.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
