whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
