I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
