Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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