Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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