no, he came in my armpit
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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