Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
