Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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