Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
