using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
