I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
