considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
