There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
