Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
