K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize