i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
