Where is the hickey?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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