A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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