Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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