I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
