You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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