Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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