Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
