So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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